Over the past few days I have very much felt God's voice and prompting to come back to Him, to seek His face and to trust Him. I certainly wasn't looking for Him, and in that truth I am so thankful that His love goes beyond my humanity. He knows me so completely that his timing was perfect.
Mar 16 at 7:52 PM
It's been quite the weekend for me spiritually. The past few months
have been an increasingly dry time in my faith journey. I have felt
overwhelmed with life in a way that doesn't allow for thinking about
anything beyond the immediate task at hand. I have let journalling and
devotionals fall by the way side as I try my best to raise our son and
carry/birth/raise our our daughter. Some relationships have become a
burden more than a blessing and I have let them slide in a
semi-intentional way; understanding that without effort they die but
feeling empty of the energy I need to invest. I have felt this tension
the most in my relationship with the Lord. In this season of life when I
need him more than ever before, I am allowing the busyness of life to
become a barrier between us.
Over the past few days I
have very much felt God's voice and prompting to come back to Him, to
seek His face and to trust Him. I certainly wasn't looking for Him, and
in that truth I am so thankful that His love goes beyond my humanity. He
knows me so completely that his timing was perfect.
I
attended the women's tea at our church yesterday afternoon with a
couple of friends, a plan that had been on the calendar for a while. Its
an annual event that raises funds for the women's ministry. It's an
opportunity to put on a pretty frock (if you haven't just had a baby and
only fit in maternity jeans), nibble on tiny sandwiches and sip tea.
You sit around beautifully decorated tables and listen to a speaker
share their heart. This years speaker was Kimberlee Conway Ireton. A Seattle-based
mother of four, writer and speaker. She spoke about the importance of
making Ebeneezer's a part of our daily lives to recognise and remember
all God has done in our lives. Her talk was inspired and inspiring. The
Lord spoke to me through her words; simply and gently calling me to take
time for him each and every day. Building Ebeneezer's will come in
time, but his call was much smaller. He just asked me to come to him. I
left the tea inspired; thankful that I had heard God's voice so clearly
but fearful that I would fail to make it happen.
My head was swirling.
Fast
forward to the middle of the night and I am up with Nora. She is
nursing and I am using my cell phone to give us some light but not
enough to wake my sweet, sleeping husband. I noticed a new email in my
inbox. A daily devotional from 'My Daily Bread.' They come every day and
for a long time they would be the first thing I would read in the
morning but recently I have been deleting them as unread so i don't have
to feel guilty that I am not making time to read them. I was about to
delete this message too, and flip to check what was new on Facebook at
3am, but then God's gentle nudge changed my mind. I clicked on the email
and read the words inside.
Your words were found, and I ate them - Jeremiah 15:16
The
devotional asked us to contemplate the truth that in the same way our
bodies crave food, our spirits crave the word of the Lord. It's
certainly not a new concept for me but as my tired body digested the
words I heard it anew. I know life would be different if I spent more
time reading my Bible. I woke up with a renewed desire and commitment to
carve out time in my day to spend with God.
I woke up
to Sunday. Not a bad day to find ones self with a renewed desire for
connection with the Lord. Off to church we went - arriving only ten
minutes late and we were even all dressed and fed! Pastor Scott gave the
sermon on the topic of being available for God. It was a really
challenging message for me that seemed to be the final piece of what God
had been speaking to me this weekend. How are we available to God and
how do our actions reflect our faith. What kind of examples are we
setting for our children?
I have been living in my own
strength, with no extra to give back. I have been a poor example of
faith to my babies and that reality is one I cannot let go. By spending
more time with the Lord, seeking His voice and His will for my days I
know He will give me what I need to live out the life He is calling me
to with grace. As I draw closer to Him, I will become more available and
in turn I hope and pray that my life will become a reflection of God's
love.
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