So I know I am a week and a half behind the times for this post but it's not because I haven't been thinking about it. I love the tradition of finding a word to speak over the year ahead. I have done it before and appreciated the direction that it can help me find in difference events through the year. I can meditate on the word and how it applies to my life in that moment and for the day or the week ahead.
I like to send some time praying and asking God to put a word on my heart. I believe that He has a plan and a purpose for wash of us as his children and I want to make time to be talking with him as I make plans for the future. I know that my plans may not come to be the way I imagine but I do trust that they work out for my good.
This year, I have decided that the word will be 'Conquer'.
I feelsa though this word will be something I can fight for in many areas of life. Firstly, the trials of motherhood will continue to come. The joys and the pain the fear and the hope will come in waves. I will fight to conquer them. I want to be the best mother I can be. I will need to conquer my own insecurities and the words of self doubt that fill my head on the hard days.
This year will include conversations about expanding our family again and the feelings of loss that were so present on our journey to become parents to Levi will need to be overcome once again the fear of vulnerability will need to be conquered before we start. We don't know the journey that is ahead of us, biologically or adopting having another child will most likely not be simple and easy. I am aware that in order to continue to be the person I want to be I will need to conquer my feelings of jealousy and anger and hurt - over and over and over. It sucks and I wish those feelings went away, but the ease of process is something I will always be envious of for those that have it.
Conquer is also a word I want to inspire me to cross of some things from my "to do" list. As my faithful readers and friends know I have been threatening to get my drivers license for a looong time. I hope and pray this year that will be conquered. I admit that being behind hte wheel terrifies me, so a major part of this is first conquering my fear.
For two long I have let anxiety limit my life and this year I want to be intentional to conquer that anxiety at the first moment I feel it. Most of that fight will come from moving in the opposite direction that the fear is wanting me to go. Like today when I got behind the wheel for the first time since Levi was born and you know what? It was not as terrible as I anticipated. It all came back to me pretty quickly so once I have mastered merging and the freeway (eeek) and then pass the test, right?!
Finishing my AA is another thing on that list. I only have 15 credits left and after this quarter that will be down to ten. However one of those is a math class that I have to test into. This means making time for math revision so when I take the test I can actually get int other class I need and not have to take a bunch of make up classes. I have been procrastinating because i am slightly intimidated to take the test and have not made the time to study but no more!
So tht's it. 2013 - Conquer